Poor Me

Tell me if I sound paranoid. The heater on my Jeep Grand Cherokee stopped functioning at 78,000 miles—my warranty was up at 75,000 miles. The windshield washers don't work, as well as the windshield wiper delay, the seat warmers, and the power steering--which operates until I'm turning a corner. Time Warner canceled WTTW two weeks after I removed my 30 foot TV tower. The Wisconsin Department of Transportation “improved” the road in front of my property by raising it about a foot, leaving it nearly impossible to exit my driveway after a snowfall, especially with a two-wheel-drive vehicle. The danger is enhanced by the removal of the shoulder, preventing us from entering the roadway from a level position. The Town of Somers brought in a horde of Mongols from the North, representing themselves as real estate appraisers. In their wake, the value of my modest little property was increased by 80%. This kind of enhanced prosperity I don't need. I can barely pay the taxes now. Of course, my complaints fell on deaf ears at the showcase 'open book review,' where I learned that all of the re-evaluations were based on comparable sales that took place at the apex of the infamous 'real estate bubble.' This is fair? My lawnmower broke. My roof leaks. My cat died. My old boat which I couldn't afford to launch, was vandalized. Dick Cheney is still appearing on television. My wife has a sore back. Now, I just found out that my doctor won't renew my prescription for high blood pressure medication until I go in for a physical—certainly, you can understand my hesitancy.

Terry Tynan